If I Were Human
by Alycoris
Summary: A Swampert, Hugo, can't help but wonder about such things. OneShot/OC fic


_If he were human, what would he do?_

Now that the thought's stuck in his mind, he can't seem to get it out.

There were so many things he wanted to tell _her_.

_Her_, being his level-headed, yet all too naïve trainer, who at the moment was babying Dexter again with a carefree smile on her face. Her mood had infinitely improved with the Larvesta's hatching, which he considered a good thing.

As of the moment, Lacie is napping, Morgana is stabbing at her food, and Ishaku is attempting to join in with her and Dexter's fun.

Hugo on the other hand, is thinking. Watching.

After summarizing his thoughts, he surmised what he would do first, if he were human: he'd tell her off for all the times she had called him those disgustingly cheerful pet names she had for him. For babying him, despite being fully evolved. For being ridiculously careless, maybe.

He absentmindedly grunts in his displeasure.

The nicknames. Oh Arceus, where to begin with the nicknames.

'Mister Swampy', when she would tease him for rolling in the mud or when he got dirty in general. 'Blockhead', when he asked for poffins and pokeblocks, or even seconds during dinner. He got annoyed every time she attempted coaxing him into doing something he knew that he's instantly regret, or whined "Huuuuuuuugooooooooo"!

Arceus be damned, he hated that.

Yet, he could never deny her of anything.

The worst of all was probably 'my adorable bunny-finned, ass-kicking, over-sized mud fish', which was what she referred to him while teasing, babying, or introducing him to others, much to his protest. Especially at the latter.

He was not cute. Ass-kicking, he could agree with, but adorable? No. Bunny-finned? He didn't resemble a Buneary at all.

He was in his final stage of evolution, for Arceus's sake.

He did _not_ need to be babied or called cute.

But, it was just the way she was.

She laughed when she called him 'Mr. Swampy', and cleaned the mud and grime from his skin whenever he took a tumble from a battle, or rolled in the mud. She always pretended to be angry, but doted over him lovingly with smiles, treats and hugs, always obliging. She always called him 'her best friend', which admittedly made him happy. Very happy.

During contests, she made a point to pound into the audience that he was the most tough and kickass Swampert to ever exist on the face of the planet- yet, even after he was no longer a Mudkip or Marshtomp, she _still_ entered him in cute contests, much to his embarrassment.

Oh, he could deal with contests and those new 'musicals' that she took such a grand liking to, but being entered in _cute_ contests specifically? Just no.

She probably had no shame. He on the other hand, was far from that. He had pride.

But then again, she probably had that in abundance.

It was far too embarrassing to be show-boated on a stage with several other small Pokemon, like Togepi or Pikachu. He hulked in comparison. Those abominations were cute- they were on billboards and logos, damn it. While Mudkips were listed as cute, Swamperts simply were not. You could ask anyone else that, and they would agree.

She never listened though.

_"What? Don't give me that look. You can be cute when you want to- especially towards me." She grinned as she took her precious time to pin a barrette on his neck. "Come on, let's show them the softie that you are on the inside, Hugo."_

God, he hated when she pulled that excuse. Furthermore, he couldn't understand how in the world he managed to win that Master contest to begin with. Humans were undoubtedly crazy if his trainer was any indication.

Speaking of crazy, she always attempted to understand him, although it was quite clear that she couldn't understand a single thing that he was said. She usually made assumptions and wild guesses based on his expression and tone of voice, and most of the time she was right just as often as she was wrong. At first, at least. Now, not so much. She could read him with ease.

She would always call him by the name she gave to him so very long ago, and smile- something he had grown to love over the years.

In fact, she was smiling at him right now, gesturing for him to come over and play. He obliged, with the knowledge that she may do something decidedly stupid, or start her playful teasing again. She always had the best interests at heart- he knew this.

Besides, he could never say no to his beloved trainer- his best friend. As long as she was happy, he didn't mind.

Like right now.

...

In hindsight, maybe he did like being babied. Just a little.


End file.
